Monday, February 9, 2009

Standing on the ledge...

This week has been very difficult emotionally. At work we are already planning for next year and discussing student placements. I felt that I needed to let work know about my plans but was not ready to quit as I only have 19% of my support raised. I'm confused about what to do. I told one of my associates and the teacher I co-teach with and they were both very disappointed. My co-teacher was wanting to loop with me (have the same kids the next year and teach 3rd instead of 2nd). I feel like I am letting people down. I talked to my boss this morning and filled him in. He has given me until the end of this month to give my notice.

Many emotions are flooding my brain at this point. Am I being stupid for quiting my two amazing jobs? Is this really where God is leading me? What if I quit my job but don't raise all the support? What if I'm not able to go but no longer have a job in the states? What if...?

I see myself as standing on a ledge. I'm ready to do God's will and have committed to serving Him for two years in Austria but am afraid to take the leap. Why is it so hard to jump? My faith is so little. Please pray that I would have a peace about quitting my job.

I'm Letting Go by Francesca Battistelli
My heart beats standing on the edge
But my feet have finally left the ledge
Like it or go back
There's no turning back

I'm letting go of the life I've planned for me and my dreams
I'm loosing control of my destiny
It feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe
So, I'm letting go

This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace
A fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone

I'm letting go of the life I've planned for me and my dreams
I'm loosing control of my destiny
It fees like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe
So, I'm letting go
Giving into your gravity
Knowing you are holding me
I'm not afraid

I'm letting go of the life I've planned for me and my dreams
I'm loosing control of my destiny
It feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe
It fees like I'm falling and this is the life for me
And I'm letting go

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