When I admitted I was scared, my friend Dan reminded me that courage isn't being brave with a lack of fear but being brave even when you are scared. This was encouraging because lately I have been fearful.
This week, my recruiter called and told me the school had not gotten the exemption that they needed. The school used to automatically get visas for everyone who worked at the school but not getting that exemption meant one of three things: the school would be shut down by the end of the week, the school would be open one more year with a limited number of visas, or the school would stay open but each person would apply for a visa individually. We prayed hard and the Lord granted us the last option. So, you would think that fear would have subsided.
However, now is the decision on whether or not to ship my things overseas. I'm at 41% of my monthly support. I've been raising support since Christmas. I've watched Reesa slowly grow in support and my support stay the same. Many questions fill my mind. Am I praying enough? Am I working hard enough on support? Is this truly where God wants me next year? If not where do I go next?
Along with this exemption issue the school found that they owed some back taxes which cost the school $10,000. This meant that our Pre-Field Orientation training was canceled. Although I was sad about that, I really could use the extra two weeks to support raise.
On top of all this, John Janet (my principal next year at Vienna Christian School) called to ask me how I felt about possibly teaching kindergarten/first or second grade general education next year. I was thrilled! I would love to! I'll work wherever they need me to! I just want to be there. Mr. Janet would teach one of my subjects so that I could get out and help those students who need my help. Where this wouldn't be my first choice, I would still be in the school giving advice to teachers who need it and getting a little bit of time with students with special needs. The school really needs me there.
But the one question that haunts me is, what do I do next to raise support? I guess the next step is calling individuals and asking for support. The thing that scares me most. Pray that God would give me boldness as I try this approach and wisdom on who to call. Pray that my faith and trust would be strengthened as I wait on Him.